CHRONICLE THE 2ND!!!
(please read the previous chronicles in order or you will be incredibly lost in my ramblings)
???? I arrived??in Ayoatha early the next morning.??After ransacking multiple fruit vendors to no avail, a tip from a drunken prosititute sleeping in the gutter (who surely i did not solicit for sex) led me to believe that this "banana shack" the sage had spoke of should be here.??And if indeed there "was always money in the banana shack" perhaps with this i could buy back my sister, avoid spilling the blood of a noble, and subsequently avoid becoming a wanted man.??
????
If the drunken prostitute was to be believed i would need some sort of blessed garment or some such nonsesne to enter the dungeon.??Unsure of this tidbit i asked a little girl who was playing on the beach if she knew anything about the local dungeon, and any relation to bananas.??She called me a "stupid doody head".??I beat that girl mercilessly until the police came.??After explaining the situation, the police promptly released me.??One of the more intelligent officers gave me his holy threads and directions to the dungeon, and apologized profusely for the rude girl.
???? By nightfall i had arrived at the entrance of the dungeon to the east of town.??I set up camp and quickly drifted off to sleep.??that night i dreamed of the goddess Atropos again.??she was rambling something about the strings of fate, but i quickly boozed her up and had my way with her, twice.
???? I awoke the next morning to a feline face in my face.??
"WTF SHOO!!!" i said
"meow" replied the cat
so i threw a +7 VVS Fire Damascus at it.??it died.??Relieved, i sat up.??As i looked around i saw i was surrounded by these cats.??100 i counted, but i now only had 62 more VVS Fire Damascuses.??their eyes looked hungry, but hell if i was going to share my tuna, so i ran my ass into the dungeon.??the playfull kitty cats followed me.??Thier speed was unparralelled!!! and soon many of them were rubbing up against me and purring and shit, and if i tried to pet them they would shy away.??I knew if this kept up they would soon have my tunas.??after 20-30 seconds of walking at a leisurely pace away from the cats i made it to level 2.??By now of course i had tamed all the cats, named them all and given them backstories.??With i flick of my hand the cats dispersed, soon they would return to me with information of the banana shack.??Oscar (the cat) informed me of a strange banana girl not far from my location, so i raised my left eyebrow vaugely to signal the cats to return to me.??and we headed to the banana girl.
???? We arrived at the location Osacr had told me but there was no girl, only a tall banana tree.??I punched Oscar in the face for his false information, and he flew towards the tree.??Landing a few feet behind it a little girl ran to him crying "KITTY" and hugging oscar.??when she saw me she quickly retreated behind her tree.??
"you seem to like that cat," i urged "i'll give him to you if you give me all the money in the banana shack".
"i dont have any money
, can i have those kitty cats too?" gesturing at my highly trained ninja attack kitties.
"you're horrible at haggling!!!" i replied.
she started to sob, "im so lonely down here, i just want to play with the kitty cats."??she stepped out from behind her tree and started to disrobe. "i'll give you anything" she said meekly
i forget the next bit of the story....
but when i left she had "convinced" me to take 100 hats for my 100 cats.??i also had a pair of panties [1] from an unrelated adventure...??happy with my dealings in ayoatha i departed to return prontera.??if i could sell these panties[1] to some rich pervert i should have enough money to buy back my sister.
CHRONICLE THE 6TH!!!
I had just returned from my adventures to save the unholy window makers of "Le Fenatra Plastique!!!" window facility.??my clothes were torn and ragged, and i reeked of death.??My boots made that annoying sloshing sound when i walked, but at least now, i was no longer leaving red footprints every i went.??But none of the mattered now.??Not after what i had aquired.??Mi mlooked mdown mnto my mbag mand marvled mat mits marvelous, magenta, magnificence.??Miraculously mthis miniscule mitem meant more mto me mthan my mlife mmm.??SUDDENLY, meters mahead Mystra materialized muttering monsense.
"OH SHIT, THE DEMON WILL KILL ME". I muttered under my breath.
As she raised her head, her piercing gaze deadened me in my tracks. I soiled myself, and i knew i would die.
She said something to me, i dont know what it was, my mind was screaming so loud for me to run, i couldnt hear anything else.??
SUDDENLY, i awoke in a field hundreds of lightyears away.??"Awesome i escaped" i said. but i was all like wtf where am i.??so then this flower monster comes out and vomits up a jetpack.??and then i knew...
I AM MAJIN!!! ALL WILL FEAR ME.
i left the jetpack, and my pants (they were soiled).??But the knowledge i gained was well worth it.
THE END FOREVER!!!!!
MORE CHAPTERS TO COME
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