Every October a friend of a friend turns the four acres of forest behind his house into the longest running "haunted house" in the area.
Tonight a guy and his date come in.??I will mention he is black only for your mental re-creation and to add to the hilarity given how "gangster" he was trying to front (I am most definitely not racist).??The girl was chatting up our ticket lady about it being their first date and when they first met and blah blah blah blah blah.??Dude was mean mugging all of us "monsters" (employees/volunteers) and talking about how he'll "bust anyone who gets in my grill."??He was going on playing super Mr. Protector and his lady friend was buying into it and loving it.??Whatever.
First stop after walking through complete darkness through a winding path of some 200 feet are the chainsaws.??The chainsaw area is perhaps 30 feet in length.??When you first enter the area a red light turns on to light up fake body parts and different "trophies" lined up in disarray.??When you get to the center two guys come running at you from in front and behind rearing actual chainsaws (though the chains have been removed for safety).??One plays pissed off serial murderer, the other super psycho crazy laugh guy.??So, you get "Get back here!" from behind and "Hoohoo!??Hoohoo!??Haaa!!!" running at your face.
Mr. Gangster bolts.??Leaves his date behind (who was merely startled by the chainsaw twins and then began laughing because Super Psycho Crazy Laugh Guy can be hilarious at times) and just runs.??Every "station" he gets to causes him to stumble, trip, scream, cry out obscenities, whatever.??Between various paths we have shortcuts so we can get from place to place without following groups from behind.??So, when he stopped to breathe we'd get him again.
Between the exit and the parking lot we have stationed port-o-potties for patron use.??When Mr. Gangster finally came stumbling out of the forest and was jogging to his car past the port-o-potties Super Psycho Crazy Laugh Chainsaw guy kicks open the door on one and runs out hootin and hollerin with his chainsaw raised high and revving.
With an "Oh shit!" Mr. Double OG was running again.??He ran past his car, out of the parking lot, and half a mile down the road until Super Psycho Crazy Laugh Chainsaw guy finally broke character because he couldn't stop laughing.
Half an hour later Mr. Thug Jason Bourned his way back onto the property, into his car, and was on the main road by the time we figured out he'd come back for his car.??He never came back for his date.
It's okay, though.??Super Psycho Crazy Laugh Chainsaw guy got her number.??
