I'm not Super Psycho Crazy Laugh Chainsaw Guy.
I wear this three piece goblin mask and chase people with an old rusty ax while screaming.??Since it's dark out people don't see the goblin mask and just call me "the screamer."
I produce a nice screech that can be heard over even the chainsaws which are at least an acre's length away from me.??When people first enter the woods everyone says random threatening things ("I'm gonna rip your arm off and beat you with it," "I want to wear your skin," "You're all going to die," "Who wants to play victim?" "You want me to hold your hand?"??"They're never gonna find you," and so on).??I find it's best to just scream.??A nice loud "call to battle" like scream.??Ever since other people have kicked me out of their stations for stealing their thunder (I chase people until I hear the chainsaws.??This gives me the perfect amount of time to run back to my station right when the next group arrives there) I've taken to just wandering the forest and screaming at the top of my lungs so as to produce the illusion that I'm either everywhere or there are more sinister screamers about.
I take pride in the fact that (after the chainsaws, of course) most people remark they don't want to meet "The Screamer".
My main course of action is to wait behind the hiding board (sheet of plywood painted black and erected between two 4x4s) at my station.??I like to get the middle of the group so that those in front dart forward, those behind leap back, and those in the middle are just fucked.??If you scare only the front or the back f the group then those at the other end don't receive the full effect.??This is what most of the other monsters do.??They jump out and "RAWR!" as soon as the first person passes them.??This person gets scared (more often just slightly startled because jumping out and going "woogywoogywoogy!" or whatever just isn't scary) but then the other people who paid 12 bucks don't get their moneys worth.
So, I take my ax (the back side so as to not tear up my hiding board) and hit one of the 4x4s as hard as I can.??When they scream, start, whatever I scream at them and THAT is what scares them.??The "BANG!" of the steel on wood startles them and then the wicked inhuman scream scares them rather well (I take pride in what I do
).??After they pass by I stand in the middle of the path as still as the dead just staring at them.??When they round the corner I begin to follow and close a distance of fifteen feet behind them (silent as the dead of course).
There used to be a guy at the next station but he went elsewhere, but his station's setup is still there (a flat made to look like and old house).??So, while the patrons are passing by watching the house waiting for what is supposed to happen (Jump out and "WHAHAHAHA!") I run up behind them, ax raised high, with my "growing" scream.??It's a scream that starts out very low and then raises in pitch as I advance upon them.??This gets them to run because not only were they expecting a scare from the front, the last time they saw me it looked as though I was only trying to be menacing, but no longer a threat.??After this, every time they look back to see if I am still following I give them the affirmative by screaming and raising my ax.??I'm still here, keep your eyes in front of you.??^_^
The following station is the caged madman.??He's a guy in a chainlink cell with strobe lights hacking at fake bodies.??When he sees the patrons he rushes the fence (which lines the path of this area) and makes like he's trying to get out so they may come play with him and his "toys" (this guy and I get along great and often have too much fun with the patrons at this point).??While he has them distracted I run ahead and hide on the other side of the fence so as to scream at them again.??I like to let them think I stopped caring and left (when really I'm in front and waiting... hehe).??After this I follow them, dragging my ax behind me until they get to the evil clown who kicked me out of his station because they were more interested in getting rid of me than the psycho clown (lol).
He was perfectly courteous about asking me to stay out of his area, so I obliged.
Since I no longer chase them the extra 150 feet I wader via one of the shortcuts to what is supposed to be the second station but no one is there to do (so I take it upon myself).??It's some vinyl siding which is loosely attached to some 4x4s so that when you shake one of the 4x4s it produces a nice cacophony (yes, I like that word).??While doing this I make lovely gnashing sounds like I'm trying to escape from some enclosure.
After the "official" second station is a 100 foot stretch with a clearing to one side.??I run to the middle of this clearing and pretend to hack away at something.??When I see the patrons I release one of my screams and tell them they aren't going to make it out of here at all (I think this is scarier than not making it out alive... Alive or dead, you're here forever lol) I then go back to my station making all the comotion I can (screams, cackles, snapping twigs, pushing on trees to make them groan, and those great gnashing sounds).
After this I repeat.??:D
I only have two exceptions.??I don't scare crying children.??The other monsters love it, but it is not my goal to traumatize children.??Since I must fulfill my duty as an employee when they pass my station I merely remain hidden behind my board and run my ax along the back of the plywood for lovely scratching sounds and I growl in the back of my throat.??It scares the children, yes, but it doesn't make them scream or cry any harder.??It's just a filler until the next station.
The other exception is those assholes who come in and try to ruin the illusion for their friends s they can appear tough and whatnot (which we have learned is always the opposite).??Everyone knows it's fake, so you saying a guy is going to jump out from there doesn't really help anything.??I feel it'd just aggravate me.??I paid 12 bucks to be scared not to have you tell me how lame you think this place is.
So, I take cues from these guys.??A guy is going to jump out from where I'm hiding???No he's not.??He's supposed to, yes, but he's changed his mind.??Now he is going to silently sneak out of his hiding place and as you're walking wondering where the next monster is because you're between stations.??You don't see a hiding board or a flat or anything.??Just trees.??Where's the scare???He's silently behind you, getting closer, until his mouth is at your ear and then he says in a sinister whisper, "What are you starin at, f*****?"??This startles you and as you wheel around I scream my signature scream (but I'm less than two feet away from you and I scream loud) before you have the chance to catch yourself from your wheel.??The catching off guard as you're already caught off guard works very well.??
It is your goal as the asshole to have control over everything.??This is why you say someone is going to do this or that, when they do it feels as though you willed it.??Yeah, but I'm not your puppet.??So when you want to say "Oh, shit, that scared me," I scream at you again before you can even complete the expletive.??You're in my territory, you don't have my permission to complete your sentence, you don't have permission to tell me where or how I am going to scare you.??You're on my time, bitch, and you are going to piss yourself.??
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