long distance relations

[zanias]

Just curious. Has any one had, or have a long distance relationship? I want to know what your opinion's on them are, if they're good or bad. How do you keep a relationship without actually being there?

[GM-Pandora]

Depends on both people, their character and seriousness, and on what the distance is, how much are we talking? Different side of the ocean or a long car ride?

[funkyfly]

When there is a will, there is a way.

[Yumera]

I had one. It sucked honestly XD well sorta. My bf moved up here after a few years of being apart a few states. But from experience its really hard on one emotionally, in some ways its more draining then anything but for me and him it worked out in the end. Where it gets hard is when that long distance becomes close, the relationship can change between the two people and it may fall apart. Habits don't get expressed over the internet lol.

All in all it's tough, aggravating and depressing. I'm glad I beared it as long as I did because this guy really makes me happy even if he doesn't clean up after him self It also matters how far this distance between the two people is (like if you can visit them once a month or once a year). This is also a big impact. Lot of variables in this equation but whether it'll work or not depends on the people and how much they care for each other and what they are willing and not willing to sacrifice. I dunno if i helped or made things more confusing

[Bloody]

funkyfly Wrote:When there is a will, there is a way.

QTF


And age is a very...very...VERY sensitive factor when it comes to long distance relationships.

[The Legendary Joe]

I wouldn't know. In matters of love, there's no such thing as a low maintenance relationship.long distance relationships would probably take more of an effort than normal ones to forge that bond of trust with your partner, and getting their partner to trust that you won't go out dating some person you met at the bar while you're sending your messages to each other.

[Former-GM-Mystra]

The Legendary Joe Wrote:I wouldn't know. In matters of love, there's no such thing as a low maintenance relationship.long distance relationships would probably take more of an effort than normal ones to forge that bond of trust with your partner, and getting their partner to trust that you won't go out dating some person you met at the bar while you're sending your messages to each other.

Amen, and personal life + Anthropology classes shows that even in a close relationship the other one can go see others.

Long distance relationships are very hard indeed, when you feel depressed and you need to be revitalized by your love one, that will not happen, and a phone call will not do it.

It really depends on trust, trust is everything in a relation, no trust, nothing.

[Pure]

funkyfly Wrote:When there is a will, there is a way.

I can only agree to this~

I know 2 ppl who are going to marry around July who've met over the internet. They both played RO and thats how they came together. The living proof. http://SarahAndSteve.ourweddingday.com !
They were good friends of mine and because of them I gave it a chance. And I still do.

[Kyouhei]

Not a particular fan of it. One of the reasons why I decided to give up my first long distance relationship was because, like mystra said, when my gf was feeling down I could not be there for her physically. Words over the net and talking over the phone can only do so much. Like Pure said its not impossible but its much more high maintenance than a normal relationship and if you can handle that, more power to you =).

[Kikumaru]

Hoooo boy...how did I stumble across this thread? Maybe I'm just a bit too tired at the moment

Alright, well..here goes *takes a deep breath, then exhales slowly*

I've been through seven relationships so far and six of them were long distance, the last one didn't work out because my girlfriend wanted me to choose between her or my friends, and I never wanted to be put in that situation, so..she dumped me.

Now then..based on my experiences, here's what I can tell you:

First, it's going to be a little difficult to restrain yourself from wanting to be together face-to-face, as opposed to your lover just being someone on the other side of the monitor or on the other side of the phone. There was SO many times I wish that my girlfriend was right beside me, so I could hold her, comfort her with more than just words, and kiss, etc.

There is only so much you can say over the phone when your lover is upset about something. I'll try not to dig up my past too much, but..it hurts quite a bit to know that you could talk to your lover till you are blue in the face, but in the end..he or she will still probably be a little upset. I can't tell you HOW many times I would've traded two hours of trying to comfort my girlfriend for a hug that would last a minute.

I had soon realized that my words only meant so much and that being able to wrap my arms around her would mean so much more.

Secondly, if you're anything like me and you don't have a cellphone with one of those nice plans getting free nights and weekends, and you want to talk with her on a landline phone, unless you have a long distance plan, you better be expecting to pay $400 or more for a phone bill.

Also, here's one of the really bad parts. This goes for both parties. Neither one of you will know if the other is having another affair with someone, so long distance relationships (in my opinion) take even more trust than close relationships.

Now, this situation can occur with close relationships as well, but...also, what happens if you meet someone that lives close to you, but has all the traits, interests, ideals, features, etc. that your long distance lover has, but you are able to be with this person face-to-face? Do you break up your current relationship and go for this person closer (given that he or she has an interest in you that is) or do you continue your current relationship?

That's a rather tough decision to make to be perfectly honest. When I was a lot younger, I used to think that my love could stretch as far as it had to and I wouldn't mind, however..there would be nights I would cry myself to sleep, because..despite being with someone, they were so far away, therefore..despite being loved, I felt alone.

I guess it can be a little hard to understand unless you have actually been through the situation before, but..it's just going to be really rough for both people, whether they are highly compatible or not. It's never easy trying to prove your love to someone who lives so far away. How can you prove such a thing over the phone or behind a monitor?

It's just the burden you must carry for going through with these types of relationships. Personally, I'm going to try and stick with closer relationships because it caused me great pain feeling so helpless, being so far away, hearing my lover cry over the phone and not be able to do a thing. I could tell her I love her, but unfortunately..that does not simply make the problem disappear, which is exactly why I wish I could hold her AND say these things, instead of doing one, but lacking the other.

Hmmm..what else...ah, yes. Also, I know there are people who aren't big on looks and whatnot, but be forewarned...if you two decide to go out online, THEN get a picture and want to back out, that can leave a mark on your pride, lol. You'll feel pretty foolish for that one. So, even if you AREN'T big on looks, you should know what each other look like regardless, before making that step forward.

I believe everyone has preferences, even I have my own preferences. There's nothing wrong with that, you just have to learn how to use it to your advantage and not sound discriminatory when addressing people who does not fall into your interest.

Well, I believe that about covers everything. I'll leave you with something to think about which is outside of my experience.

Whether it be long or close distance, in the end, if you find yourself attracted to the other person, it will not matter. You will cast aside your preferences as you see fit. Remember..beauty is within the soul, not through physical attraction.

You only live once. If things do not go the way you have hoped, then mold the bad experience into something you can learn from. Use your experience to benefit you, rather than brood over it. Do not search for love, but have love search for you.

Most importantly..be yourself at all times. Never, under any circumstance, willingly change yourself for someone. Be free, and for those who cannot accept you and love you as you are, then they will be the ones missing out on meeting such a wonderful person.

You must love yourself first before you can love another.

Remember this.

EDIT: For fun (I don't know if I can really call this fun /hmm I'm adding the reasons why I got dumped in all seven relationships, in case people are curious, for whatever reason

1. She found someone who lived close to her.

2. Religion was brought up one day and I told her I don't believe in God.

3. I was accused of taking ecstasy since I told her I started listening to techno recently.

4. I watch anime, therefore, I'm childish.

5. I'm too nice

6. My hair is too long.

7. I chose my friends over her.