Legends from the Shadows

[GT-Hiro]

On top of the world stood a legend. She once stood unrivaled in power
until she was sealed away. Her legend was forgotten with time and
her real name forgotten to history. She once used the shadows as her
tools of terror. From the shadows she terrorized the people that
wandered too close to discovering her secret.

She was born a regular person of the world. Just as anyone else who
started as a novice. She would train hard and struggle to reach
her first goal to be a thief. While her history was cleaner than most
who became thieves; she wasn't the innocent type despite her appearance.
She was a terror even as a novice, although she did befriend some people.
After she became a thief she continued to train hard and terrorize some
people. Those people would speak of her as a demon and a devil. Yet that
did nothing but spread her reputation and legend. Her skills improved
and she became an assassin to fit the image that she had been give.

As an assassin, she terrorized the city of Morroc as the rise of the
demon Satan Morroc began his rise to power. Her power continued to
ascend alongside the Satan Morroc. As she began to reach the point in
her life where she would have reached the ultimate goal, she learned of
something that was stronger. The rebirth, the one that could transcend
the normal limits of their current life to reach limits only dreamed of.
When she finally reached the point where she could ascend no more, she
realized her power would stop growing as the Satin Morroc would continue.
She searched far and wide before ending up in the sage?s city of Yuno.
There she searched deep into the history and learned of a place where
the strongest of the strong could approach. The home of the Valkyrie, Valhalla
the realm of the most honored warriors. To reach that point she would
search deep into the inner heart of Yuno and likely the world. Deep
inside she was obtained a fragment of something called Ymir's Heart. With
that fragment she finally managed to reach the Hall of Honor and reach
the Valkyrie who watched over the realm. From there she abandoned all of
possessions, her zeny, and her past.

As the day rose the morning sun shined onto her body that lay in a bed.
She didn't recognize where she was, all that she could remember was who
she was, nothing more. Her desires remained though as she tried hard to
ascend the ranks of a novice. She eventually figured out her goal and
returned to Morroc. The people there remembered someone who looked like
her, almost her twin, but never realized who she was. She eventually
made her way to the thieves? guild. The person in charge recognized her
appearance although she couldn't remember her exactly since there had
been so many people before. She continued to train hard as she tried
to surpass the Stain Morroc. Yet by the time she had reached the
panicle of being a thief, she had regained parts of her memory. She
realized that she was once as powerful as him and she tried to surpass
him. That led to her giving up everything and restarting. This time,
when she tried to be an assassin, she was turned down, yet they told her
that she would have to reach the heavens again. She knew where to go and
she went just there. She reached the Hall of Honor once again and
confronted the Valkyrie, but instead of being turned down, she was told
to speak with one of the people where. She looked around and found one
that appeared to look like an assassin, but different. It where there she
learned of what was stronger than an assassin, the one that transcended
the limits, the assassin cross.

The two spoke for a while but in the end, she decided to go down that
path. She accepted and transcended to become an assassin cross. Yet there
was more, she trained hard and fast as she relearned the skills of an
assassin and discovered the new skills of the assassin cross. Her power
grew soon matching the Satan Morroc again and shortly surpassed his. Yet it
was there he that her power was a threat to him and he decided to take
her drive. He disguised himself as a human and took her as his bride.
She would gain more power from their union, but she soon realized who
he really was. The two fought a bitter battle and it ended up with him
taking massive damage but winning and her near death. She did not regret
the battle and the good memories she held she treasured even if they were
not really meant to be. The Satan Morroc did not care whether she died or
not but would give her something. He laid one wither less rose on her,
showing that he did care to some point, but her death didn't mean much
to him.

It would be three days later before she finally closed her eyes as a
mortal for the last time. Her death finally came as she had no regrets.
Her life was of terror and horror, of how she terrorized people in
order to get her desires. Her rebirth of where she did nothing but ascend
her power, whether she terrorized the people or not, she held her pride.
Finally to her last battle against a demon who she had fallen in love
with. To her surprise, as her human body died, her immortal soul took
shape of her former self's shadow. Her powers had remained with her and
her knowledge from the past and present returned. She would continue to
fight but her aftermath resulted in her being given the nice name
"Possessed Shadow" as that was what was usually seen.

She had fought for years until the Satan Morroc was defeated but it was
a bitter sweet victory for her since it wasn't her who beat him. He was
sealed away under the city of Morroc as she continue to live there, but
that wouldn't be the end. Their hunt continued for her as she realized
it, but was rather a little too late for her to escape. She wouldn't fight
back against them but they didn't care. The people of Morroc knew that
a she was a threat and finally, with the help of a dark wizard, sealed
her away. Years had passed but her seal weakened until the Satan Morroc's
that remained tight. She managed to create a disguise and returned to the
world as an assassin cross. She wore glasses to hide her eyes since they
were the only feature that could be seen as not human. She would continue
to wonder the world in that form until she found something that seemed as
forgotten as her. The heights of the building seemed to reach beyond the
stars. As she entered the monsters there had been there for ages and had
evolved. Most of them were nothing even on her limited power. It took her
days to finally reach a staircase that ascended into the stars. Yet when
she finally made it the top was empty. While it seemed that there was
someone who stood there, they were not there at the time, so she would
take that position. Until he returned, she would stand on top of the
world. Her powers continued to grow as she waits on the top of the world.
It would be many years before the tower was discovered and given a name.
It would be called Infinity tower and only the brave dared to venture to
the region, yet in the end, no one had made it to the top yet.

So there she stands, powers growing ever stronger, alone for an eternity
until the original keeper returns or until a hero can make it up there.
During this wait she had finally remembered her real name. Her name, as
a human, before her death was Sylvi.

[GT-Hiro]

She who once stood on top of the world alone awaiting for a brave or
lucky hero to reach the heights of the world. It would be many decades
before that would occur. Her strengths grew before that faithful day that
one made it up the stairs that so many failed to reach. The many
centuries of loneliness took their toll as she longed for human
companionship. The loneliness left in her heart by the demon she once
called her love was a void she felt that would never fill. Yet as the
sight of someone who survived the dangerous climb filler her with hope
that she might have meet someone who would be able to fulfill the
loneliness in her life.

Since her arrival at the top of the world, the legend of the "Possessed
Shadow" slowly faded away to be lost in history. The only place where
the legend lived was in the tower among the monsters that speak of the
others who had tried to take her place, but failed. The remaining
monsters who didn't dare try would attack all those who wondered into
their territory. Those who survived would make it, but unfortunately no
one had made it past them all yet.

One day that was stranger than most, the gods themselves cried as the skies
pored rain onto the world. The blackened skies unleashed their fury and
tormented the land. She stood a watch from the top of the world, her tears
joined those of the gods as she watched those who suffered and looked
back at the days that she had terrorized people. Her desires ad changed
since then and she knew she did was wrong, but she had paid the ultimate
price when she tried to save the town she once terrorized. The day went
on as the skies unleashed its anger onto the land yet that was not all
that would happen. A party of heroes had defeated the first gates guardian
that had never been defeated before. Their journey would be long before
they reached the second guard. It was surprising in itself, that the
second gate guardian fell but it was a bitter sweet victory as many of the
people in the party had fallen. The only one to survive was the
technological master who couldn't help but to finish a journey in honor
of his fallen allies on the way up.

As he stepped through the final gates, he witnessed something that he
hadn't expected. Rather than riches that were rumored of, he saw the
silloette of a woman. Rather captured by her appearance, he approached
without fear. Deep in his mind he thought that it was unlikely that any
human would be all the way up here. How someone else had made it before
them was surprising, but then he remembered that some monsters had a
human appearance. Then there were the ghosts of humans that roamed
Lighthouzen. "Could she be one of them?" he whispered. She looked in his
direction before walking up to him. He took out his gun but she
disappeared from sight. He looked around then felt cold steel against him
as he slowly turned. A blood stained katar was held to his back, but it
did not pierce him. Rather, she whispered to him," Put down your weapon
and I'll put down mine." It sounded rather gentle to him as he put away
his gun. She did the same as she sheathed her katar. She walked over to
the throne in the room and stood in front as she looked at him. He didn't
hesitate to follow her near as he thought of what was going on. Rather
then question what she was, he didn't even ask and waited for her. To her
he was rather mysterious but she would choose him.

"My name is Sylvi and I am an immortal shadow that is bound to this
location. I stay here until I find someone who will accept me as who I am
and not on what I've become. Are you the one who will grant me this
wish?"

"I am Hiro the Star-Bound. I came here with the thought that treasures
would be found in this room. I feel rather fortunate that there was none
since then the journey would have been far more tragic then it already
is. You see, the people I came with are slain and it would have been
a sad fate that I would have been the only one who survived to bask
in a future that I unjustly collected. I feel fortunate that I found you
instead. I shall grant your wish and accept you for who you are. You
could have killed me but you didn't. That shows me that regardless of who
you've become, you have a gentle heart that I have lost."

"I thank you. Soon I will be able to return to the world you came from.
When I do, I will search for you, I swear" said Sylvi," and when I find
you, I will thank you again, then I will ask you something I can not
here. So will you please wait for me on the planet that sits below us?"

"I will." Hiro said. "I will wait for the day you return to the world,
and when you do, I too have something I'd like to ask you. I hope you
will remember be always." He pulled out a wing that would return him down
to the planet. Sylvi said to him," I will, you see, your promise to me,
is in hopes that I will be able to heal myself then I will do my best to
help you."

He nods as he gives her a hug. She returns it before letting go knowing
that her search for him on earth would be long and hard, but she would
eventually find him and tell him the complete truth including the one
she knew that he held back from her too. He breaks the wing and
disappears from the room. Tears formed on her eyes as she looked down
onto the world expecting that the savage sky would continue to ravage
the land. Instead, she saw the skies clear as the suns light beaconed
towards many areas. She would make her return soon to the world she once
terrorized and protected. As her immortal shadow or as a flesh and blood
human she would not know until that day came.

That day on stood a legend from which fate had given a second chance. Her
prison that was the infinity Tower would soon come to an end, but until
she regained her full power she would be forced to remain. Yet she knew
it wouldn't end as long as she tried. She was determined to see the one
she had sworn to.

[Fatalis]

Constructive criticism awaaaaaaaay! Bold is for blatant corrections, Italics need better grammar.

I didn't get to finish breaking down the first post nor even begin on the second, but I can immediately tell you that there are a lot of mistakes and erratic spelling errors that would make an English teacher cringe. In addition to this, not only would this be non-canon for heRO, let alone Ragnarok Online as a whole, it makes absolutely no sense, and borderline god-moding. I'd honestly like to see an assassin cross pass an MVP who has 15,000,000 HP and was apparently so strong that he could literally warp the landscape.

If you're going to "But game mechanics don't matter in RP!", well, it still doesn't make sense, isn't canon, and is borderline god-moding.

First post, paragraph mistakes:

1:
"stoods" > stood

"secert" > secret

"From the shadows she terrorized the people that wondered too close" > From the shadows she terrorized the people that wandered too close.


2:
"First goal to be a thief" > First goal, to become a thief

"While her history was cleaner then most
who became theieves, she wasn't the innocent type dispite her appearence." > While her history was cleaner then most who became thieves, she wasn't the innocent type despite her appearance

"After she became a thief she contined to train hard and terrorize some
people" > After she became a thief she continued to train hard and terrorize some people

"Her skills inproved and she became an assassin to fit the image that she had bee give." > Her skills improved and she became an assassin to fit the image that she had been given.

3:
"As an assassin, she terrorized the city of Morroc as the rise of the demon Satin Morroc began his rise to power.??Her power continued to ascend along side the Satin Morroc"??> As an assassin, she terrorized the city of Morroc as the rise of the demon Satan Morroc began his rise to power.??Her power continued to ascend alongside the Satan Morroc

"As she began to reach the point in her life where she would have reached the ultamite goal, she learned of something that was stronger" > As she began to reach the point in her life where she would have reached the ultimate goal, she learned of something that was stronger

"The rebirth, the one that could transend the normal limits of their current life to reach limits only dreamed of. When she finally reached the point where she could asend no more, she realized her power would stop growing as the Satin Morroc would continue" > The rebirth, the one that could transcend the normal limits of their current life to reach limits only dreamed of. When she finally reached the point where she could ascend no more, she realized her power would stop growing as the Satan Morroc would continue

"She searched far and wide before ending up in the sages city of Yuno. There she searched deep into the history and learned of a place where he strongest of stong could approach" > She searched far and wide before ending up in the sage's city of Yuno. There she searched deep into the history and learned of a place where the strongest of the strong could approach. The home of the Valkyrie, Valhalla, the realm of the most honored warriors.

"Deep inside she was obtained a fragment of something calle Ymir's Heart" > Deep inside she obtained a fragment of something called Ymir's Heart

"the morning sun shined onto her body that layed in a bed." > the morning sun shined onto her body that lay in a bed.

"She eventually figured her goal and returned to Morroc." > She eventually figured out her goals and returned to Morroc.

"The person in charge regonized her appearence although she couldn't remember her exactly since there had been so many people before. She continued to train hard as she tried to surpass the Stain Morroc. Yet by the time she had reached the??pinicle" > The person in charge recognized her appearance although she couldn't remember her exactly since there had been so many people before. She continued to train hard as she tried to surpass the Satan Morroc. Yet by the time she had reached the pinnacle

"It where there she learned of waht was stronger then an assassin, the one that transended the limits, the assassin cross." > It where there she learned of what was stronger then an assassin, the one that transcended the limits, the assassin cross.

4:
"The two spoke for a while but in the end, she decided to go down that path. She accepted and transended to become an assassin cross. Yet there" > The two spoke for a while but in the end, she decided to go down that path. She accepted and transcended to become an assassin cross. Yet there

"Her power grew soon matching the Satin Morroc again and shortly passed his" > Her power grew soon matching the Satan Morroc again and shortly surpassed his

"The Satin Morroc did not care whether she died or not but would give her something. He laid one witherless rose on her, showing that he did care to some point, but her death didn't mean much to him." > The Satan Morroc did not care whether she died or not but would give her something. He laid one wither less rose on her, showing that he did care to some point, but her death didn't mean much to him.

[GT-Hiro]

I thank you for the criticism but I'd like to point out a few things. First, I did not type this in word nor did I proof read it since it'd be English class all over again. Secondly, If you read it, it says that the top was empty so there was no MVP battle to follow. Third, this is not a RP, this is a story, a folklore, a myth, or whatever you wish to call it, but it is not an RP. A story does not need to fit every exact detailed belief of reality so why would this not fit with the details that were given?

In addition, this section is for Role Playing AND stories. So again I'll thank you for your criticism, but I will not change my story nor will I agree that this is non-sense. This story for purely for the enjoyment of the readers.

[Ryuga_Hideki]

Fatalis Wrote:Constructive criticism awaaaaaaaay! Bold is for blatant corrections, Italics need better grammar.

I didn't get to finish breaking down the first post nor even begin on the second, but I can immediately tell you that there are a lot of mistakes and erratic spelling errors that would make an English teacher cringe. In addition to this, not only would this be non-canon for heRO, let alone Ragnarok Online as a whole, it makes absolutely no sense, and borderline god-moding. I'd honestly like to see an assassin cross pass an MVP who has 15,000,000 HP and was apparently so strong that he could literally warp the landscape.

If you're going to "But game mechanics don't matter in RP!", well, it still doesn't make sense, isn't canon, and is borderline god-moding.

First post, paragraph mistakes:

1:
"stoods" > stood

"secert" > secret

"From the shadows she terrorized the people that wondered too close" > From the shadows she terrorized the people that wandered too close.


2:
"First goal to be a thief" > First goal, to become a thief

"While her history was cleaner then most
who became theieves, she wasn't the innocent type dispite her appearence." > While her history was cleaner then most who became thieves, she wasn't the innocent type despite her appearance

"After she became a thief she contined to train hard and terrorize some
people" > After she became a thief she continued to train hard and terrorize some people

"Her skills inproved and she became an assassin to fit the image that she had bee give." > Her skills improved and she became an assassin to fit the image that she had been given.

3:
"As an assassin, she terrorized the city of Morroc as the rise of the demon Satin Morroc began his rise to power.??Her power continued to ascend along side the Satin Morroc"??> As an assassin, she terrorized the city of Morroc as the rise of the demon Satan Morroc began his rise to power.??Her power continued to ascend alongside the Satan Morroc

"As she began to reach the point in her life where she would have reached the ultamite goal, she learned of something that was stronger" > As she began to reach the point in her life where she would have reached the ultimate goal, she learned of something that was stronger

"The rebirth, the one that could transend the normal limits of their current life to reach limits only dreamed of. When she finally reached the point where she could asend no more, she realized her power would stop growing as the Satin Morroc would continue" > The rebirth, the one that could transcend the normal limits of their current life to reach limits only dreamed of. When she finally reached the point where she could ascend no more, she realized her power would stop growing as the Satan Morroc would continue

"She searched far and wide before ending up in the sages city of Yuno. There she searched deep into the history and learned of a place where he strongest of stong could approach" > She searched far and wide before ending up in the sage's city of Yuno. There she searched deep into the history and learned of a place where the strongest of the strong could approach. The home of the Valkyrie, Valhalla, the realm of the most honored warriors.

"Deep inside she was obtained a fragment of something calle Ymir's Heart" > Deep inside she obtained a fragment of something called Ymir's Heart

"the morning sun shined onto her body that layed in a bed." > the morning sun shined onto her body that lay in a bed.

"She eventually figured her goal and returned to Morroc." > She eventually figured out her goals and returned to Morroc.

"The person in charge regonized her appearence although she couldn't remember her exactly since there had been so many people before. She continued to train hard as she tried to surpass the Stain Morroc. Yet by the time she had reached the??pinicle" > The person in charge recognized her appearance although she couldn't remember her exactly since there had been so many people before. She continued to train hard as she tried to surpass the Satan Morroc. Yet by the time she had reached the pinnacle

"It where there she learned of waht was stronger then an assassin, the one that transended the limits, the assassin cross." > It where there she learned of what was stronger then an assassin, the one that transcended the limits, the assassin cross.

4:
"The two spoke for a while but in the end, she decided to go down that path. She accepted and transended to become an assassin cross. Yet there" > The two spoke for a while but in the end, she decided to go down that path. She accepted and transcended to become an assassin cross. Yet there

"Her power grew soon matching the Satin Morroc again and shortly passed his" > Her power grew soon matching the Satan Morroc again and shortly surpassed his

"The Satin Morroc did not care whether she died or not but would give her something. He laid one witherless rose on her, showing that he did care to some point, but her death didn't mean much to him." > The Satan Morroc did not care whether she died or not but would give her something. He laid one wither less rose on her, showing that he did care to some point, but her death didn't mean much to him.

killing the mood.

[GM-Ayu]

RP and grammar do co-exist. I don't really see how Fatalis is killing the mood or anything. Actual dedicated writing forums (or forums with some degree of focus on to writing, such as fanfics, stories, poems, and role play) do share these levels of critique for each other in order for writers to improve.

[teOx]

tl;dr
fatalis was wrong to assume its an RP, but reading his spelling and grammar checks would make you less inclined to make them the second time around. if you need word/spellcheck to write a story that isnt plagued by 30+ mistakes, i would take his advice.

dr but im sure it was good.

[GT-Hiro]

I'll put it through spell check next time =P
I'm doing it all in notepad currently.

*prepares the edit button*

[edit]
I put it through spell check but my word hates me and says I can only use it 16 more times
[/edit]

[Aaronock]

Get the free program known as Open Office
Its really decent for a free ripoff of Microsoft Word (somehow runs on Java programing too).

[Logester]

Firefox has a built in spot check.