jokes.

[Kari Nogashi]

a pirate walks into a bar with a ship steering wheel stuck on the crouch of his pants. the bartender then says "hey pirate you have a steering wheel attached to your pants" to witch the pirate says " arrr i know it be drivin me nuts" ::insert laughs here.:: that was from the show my name is earl.

[Ngjoko]

Wonder if any had read this ingame before, but here goes...
What did the priest say to the verit?
HEAL!!

[Parric]

Long one:

Three guys are sitting at the gates to heaven.??Saint Peter shows up and tells them, "Hey guys, yeah, look, we're kind of full up here right now, so I can only let one of you in today, the other two will have to wait.??BUT, before you start complaining, we're going to make it fair, whoever died in the most interesting way gets in.??So you guys can all tell your story and I'll choose who gets in, who wants to go first?"
One of the guys jumps up, hand in the air, "Oh me! I know I died the best!"
"Step into my office then and tell me your story."
Man sits down in Peter's office and begins, "So I decided to surprise my wife, see, so I come home early, open the door to our 37th floor apartment, and there's my wife, on the floor in the living room, still in the throes of passion.??'WHERE IS HE!' I yell at her, she ignores me so I start looking.??Not in the bedroom, not in the closet, not in the shower, so I go out on the balcony.??Would you believe it???There's the guy, hanging over the edge.??So I start wailing away on his hands and knock him off.??And the jerk lands in a tree.??So I run into the kitchen, push the refrigerator out onto the balcony, off the balcony, on to the guy.??Next thing I know I'm here.??Must've had a heart attack or something from the exertion."
Peter calls the second guy in.
"Ok I know my death was pretty unique.??See, I was exercising on the balcony of my 42nd floor apartment, when I slipped!??But praise be to He I was able to catch myself on the railing of a balcony below me.??While I'm hanging there, the owner of the place blasts out on the balcony, starts screaming at me and knocks my hands loose!??But, again, thank the Lord, I was caught by a tree.??But, you know, the Lord, He works in mysterious ways, and no sooner should I look up then see a refrigerator barreling down on me, and here I am."
Peter calls the third guy in.
"Well Peter, I don't know how I got here.??You see, one second, I'm naked, hiding in a refrigerator, and the next thing I know, here I am!"

[Ngjoko]

LOL!

So, there's a plane flying towards somewhere when an accident occured, a big bird got stuck and shredded by the propellers of the plane, thus the plane crashed on to a tropical jungle island. Things didn't look so good at that time since only 3 man survived the crash and they're stranded in the middle of nowhere. They grouped together and started to search for a way off the island back home.
Suddenly, came an outburst of armed cannibal natives. The 3 begged for their lives and the leader of the natives gave them a chance to live and promised to help them off the island(ain't he being too nice?) if they succeeded in doing a task instructed by him. The elder told them to look for 10 fruits of a same kind in the jungle and bring them back here. Soon after that they immediately ran off to the jungle separately.
The first guy came back with 10 apples. He seemed relieved until the elder told him what to do with them. The elder ordered him to take off his pants and squeeze in all that he'd gather up from his "exit door" and while doing so show no emotion or he'd be mercilessly and brutally murdered for dinner. The man decided to give it a shot no matter how painful it is since he'd die immediately if he just give up. The man started to do his task, it went smooth until the 3rd apple. He could no longer stand the pain thus cried and slaughtered by the cannibals. The 2nd guy was cunning, he followed and saw what happened to the first guy and ran off in search of some small fruits.
The 2nd guy came to the elder with 10 cherries and a smirk on his face. The elder instructed the same task and he immediately start his task. He's about to finish his last cherry but he burst out laughing and thus being killed after seeing the 3rd guy and the 10 durians* he brought back.

* In case you don't know, Durian is a tropical fruit at the size of a melon and have a very strong smell that most westerners find disgusting. It soft flesh is covered by a very hard and thorny shell. It is advised to put on gloves when handling them(if you'd never tried it before) because they can really hurt your hands and leave a lot of hole marks on them.

[Braun]

Gran Torino Joke

There's a Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Get the **** out of here".

[Kari Nogashi]

why is it called pms * because mad cow disease was already taken. -somone asked me what my favorite thing to call the vagina was . i said " a taxi so i can roll over and go to sleep."

[u.a.e]

هههههههههههههههه يظحك



LOL


SWAAAAAAALF

[Ngjoko]

(I got this from my friend 3 days ago, so i figured i'd share it here)
Another, 'so Australian' joke

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their?kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and
now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to
become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns
the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice
and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot
mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from
the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the
successes of our sons. What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he
received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

[Split Ends]

LOL ngjoko i laughed so hard in that one =))

[Ngjoko]

This is a little something as thanks for yesterday's link, the music is still in my head.